So it’s a few hours shy of the first day of the new year. I used to do a wrap up cum resolutions list few years ago, but realised I missed it in 2016 (the year I got married), and in 2017, I kept it short, somewhat bittersweet and slightly emotional. You can read about it here, I just did. And from those short 8 paragraphs, I teared up halfway through, and then laughed softly at the end of it. I guess I’m pretty good at making some resolutions come true :D
Here’s 2018 in bullet point.
- I started the year with The Running Plan, and a new personal best target of 3 hours 45 minutes for the marathon. Like any other training plan, I start out excited and full of determination. Along the way I hit some bumps, and doubted my ability to meet the target. I wondered if I ever had it in me to be that good a runner that so many people say I can be. I went into race already consoling myself that it was okay if I did anything under 4 hours. I crossed the line in a net time of 3:44 at the KL Marathon – one of my proudest moments of this year.
- When the marathon was done, next on the agenda was the Ironman 70.3 Worlds in September. Again, I wanted it to be epic. I know getting a spot in the WC was already reason to celebrate, but I didn’t want to just celebrate that. Because I knew not everybody had this opportunity, I wanted it to be the best damn race I’ve ever done. That was mistake number 1. I placed so much external pressure on myself because of this, ended up almost burning myself out as I failed to meet the performance targets I wanted so badly in the last 3 weeks before race day. I broke down a couple of times, regretting ever taking home the WC coin, and wanted nothing more than to be done with Swim Bike Run and racing. It wasn’t my best race. I missed my PB target by so much, it’s a joke. The experience was priceless, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t stung by the feeling of defeat whenever I thought about it. Then again, I was 5 weeks pregnant on race day.
- I am pregnant. JOY! When I found out I was pregnant, I was thrilled. I had wanted to be for a while now, and when I was slowly giving up on training for triathlons, the desire to be a mother grew. I just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon! But Gary and I are both very happy. (Took Gary a while, but he’s getting there). I’m 22 weeks pregnant now, turning 23 in a couple of days. I enjoy feeling all the kicks and punches with my hands every day. I look forward to watching all the weekly videos, and to attending my monthly check ups. But I have to admit, the FOMO is REAL. Missing out on rides, runs and races really bum me out! Not being able to feel the wind in my face, taking more than 30 minutes to run 5 km, needing an extra recovery day after every “long” workout, and kissing goodbye to potentially winning (though I managed a 10th place recently, completely to my surprise, haha) is not funny. I know my body is building a miracle. I know I am nourishing and creating life. I know all this sound extremely amazing. But sometimes, I really wish I can pause it just for a couple of hours, and go out on a 60 km ride with Gary and the rest. But, my baby, I cannot wait to meet you, hold you in my arms, messiness, sleepiness and everything. This I promise you.
So 2018 has been BIG. I am quite happy with it, and will give myself a pat on my back for pulling through it.
2019, I know you will be BIGGER. In a very different, yet no less daunting way. Life will change, for me, for Gary, for us as a couple. And I know that there is a high likelihood that half or maybe even none of these plans will go accordingly, but here they are anyway.
- I want to be a stronger person. I want to be the mother my child needs me to be, the wife my husband married, the daughter my mother raised, and not give up on these targets as easily as I did on my athletic targets. I will falter, but I will get back up. I will cry, but I will not stop trying.
- I want to be more open minded, and still stubborn, but only in not giving up. I will learn from my amazing mother and other mommies around me.
- I want to love my family fiercely, and guard them and the relationships I have with them fiercely.
- I want to find my love for triathlon again. It’s there, although I kind of buried it while training for WC, I know it’s there. I want to get back into my sport as soon as I can, and knowing that it will be challenging, I will not let that deter me from climbing back onto the saddle.
Have a happy new year everyone. xx.